Managing Stress: Part 4

A C C E P T A N C E

"When the student is ready the teacher will show up." This is a very common phrase spoken in the self-development field.  Most of the time in life, we are asked to become better versions of ourselves by growing.  Well, growing typically happens under difficult conditions.  That is why we can call our problems, growth opportunities.  When we come from this perspective we will have a different approach to the life storms and will no longer be in a state of stress, but rather a state of growth.   

Stress is a natural response but after a certain point, if you do not know how to turn it off, it can cause major damage to your health, mood, productivity, relationships and quality of life.  This point is different for everyone, so the forth step we will take on this journey is to begin to accept (rather than fight) life.  

Begin to ACCEPT the outcome by following these tips: 

Stay detached from the outcome

• Learn to detach from the outcome by recognizing that reality is the winner.  If you have an idea and then reality is different, change your idea and you will end suffering.
• Remember the only thing you can change is yourself.
• If someone is stressing you out, change your response to them. 

Look for the upside to: life, situations, and people.

• When facing major challenges try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth instead of things that are trying to bring you down.
• Share yourself with those around you, be yourself and open up to life! 

Learn to forgive

• We live in an imperfect world and people make mistakes, but if we take the approach that every mistake is a growth opportunity, we can become better! (I can't emphasize this point enough!) 
• Forgiveness unlocks your heart.  Learn to take a deep breath and relax the space around your heart when you think about those you need to forgive and release. 

That is it.  The four steps to de-stressing: awareness, acting, adapting, and accepting   If at any time you feel you cannot deal with the conditions of your life, reach out to a life coach, a therapist or a counselor to get some help.  Your fears seem so much bigger on the inside that they are, help is out there, look into it, it may be more affordable than you think. 

Managing Stress: Part 3

A D A P T

Life offers us many opportunities to grow, if we chose to look at it that way.  The storms of life will always come and being prepared on how to handle yourself when these storms hit will be the difference between being stressed out, or being mindful and aware of how to respond.  

When disturbing things in life that happen that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way, it is called stress.  The next step in this process is not to react, but instead adapt.  

Begin to ADAPT to the Flow of life by following these tips: 

See the Big Picture 

• Ask yourself: “Will this matter in a year?” 
• If the answer is no, it is not worth your time, attention or focus in this moment. 
• If the answer is Yes, get out your journal and deal with what you are feeling.  

Look at what you value 

• If you have currently been under a lot of pressure or tension, take a look at what you are valuing and focusing on. 
• For example: working too many hours could mean you value being seen as a hard worker. 
• Other areas to look at: money, time, relaxation, health, sleep, tv, etc.  

Focus on the Positive 

• Practice looking at all you have in your life.
• Make a Gratitude list of 5 new things you are grateful everyday, non-repeating!
• Notice your positive qualities and gifts, and then share them with those around you.  

My hope for you is that you are beginning to stay calm in the storm, are practicing dealing with your real feelings, and are choosing to be relaxed and balanced!  Next week we will learn how to accept!

Managing Stress: Part 1

A W A R E N E S S

Stress can become a positive opportunity to grow and develop.  Sometimes, however, we let stressful situations beat us up and drain our life force energy.  Instead, lets begins to energize the self by learning and practicing a new approach to everyday life.  

This four part series: Managing Stress, will break down how to manage stress with the four A's: Awareness, Acting, Adapting, and Accepting.   When life events happen that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way, instead of reacting, try to first practice awareness by being mindfulness of who you are inside.  This will help you better understand how to respond on the outside.  You can increase you awareness with these four tips: 

1. Learn your limits to what you can handle. 
• Practice saying “No” if you are overwhelmed.
• Know your stress limits and stick to them.
2. Notice the people who stress you out.
• Limit the amount of time you are around them.
• Create a positive response in dealing with them before hand. 
3. Observe how things in your environment affect you. 
• If the news stresses you out, turn it off. 
• If traffic stresses you out, take a different route. 
• If your teenager stresses you out, find a different inner response to him or her, so you stay calm and balanced. 
4. Avoid Hot-Topics 
• Religion, politics, etc.   Cut them out of your conversation when you are under stress.  
• Excuse yourself if it is brought up.

Many of these tips are simple and easy to understand, but it takes your willingness and application for them to work. The goal is to stay calm, relaxed and balanced, because when you are in that state you are more likely to meet challenges and turn them into opportunities.  

Politeness. Manners. Elegance.

Politeness.  Manners.  Elegance.  These three words are great reminders of how to treat people.  The Office, a humorous sitcom has a character named Andy Bernard, a Cornell graduate with a unique personality, educates us on his politeness!   

This week’s quote of the week, shown above, was inspired by his character with a little lesson attached.   

Three steps to illustrate your Polite, Elegant and Well-Mannered Attitude.   

1.        Show Appreciation:  If someone goes out of their way for you, gives you a gift or a compliment, complete the cycle with appreciation.  This could be a thank you note, or simply saying “thank you, that is so nice of you to say.”  This completes the cycle of the kind gesture.

2.       Show Respect:  If you have been invited to an event, if is courteous and respectful to communicate and reply to the invitation.  RSVP is French for: “repondez, s’il vous plait,”  which means please reply! 

3.       Be Generous:  Reach out into other lives and do them  a favor.  Go out of your way to make someone’s day or help someone else achieve something they are working towards.  If this kind act comes your way, think outside of the box and find a way to return the noble act!

Live your best life and offer your greatest self to the world.  It is like perfume, you cannot pour it on someone else without getting a little on yourself!  Good day!

A Thought for Growth

Think about this:  “What you are looking for, is what is looking?  What does this mean to you?  Spend a moment and contemplate on this idea.

Are you looking for a relationship, money, success, etc.   Well St. Francis of Assisi said it the best. The thing you are looking for, is the authentic spirit, the wholeness that we came from.  Our human brain leads us to think that the outer things; money, relationships, health are the means to experience this inner harmony, but that is false.  The truth is that we have this extraordinary opportunity to get in touch with an essence that is already here and exists within you right now. 

The easiest way to break this down for yourself is to find and identify what it is you are looking for, the thing that your mind tells you everything would be better or ok if you just had this one thing.   Next, ask yourself what feeling is associated with this “thing.”  If the feeling is security or peace, you are now in touch with a deeper level of what you are looking for.  You may think that money brings security, but the truth is money brings more options, and has nothing to do with security.  If you want security, embrace yourself in security, research it, and know that the biggest security you can have is a spiritual  sanctuary.  This already exists within and has nothing to do with money.

I encourage you to look into your desires a little deeper this week.  Find out what it is your are really longing for and then remember it is already within.  

How to Find Peace

In our society, we have a very strong work ethic which is great in some ways, but has consequences in other areas. We work on average 40-60 hours per work, often going from one task to the next with anxiety. Our lives are filled up with activities, relationships, goals, aspirations and tasks, creating a busy, hectic and anxious environment to live in.  

Because of this busy culture we live in, people usually describe peace as a relaxing place to live but, associate it with laziness or place they can only go on Sunday. This is not true.  Peace can be motivating, inspiring and a healthier place to do all your activities, have relationships, accomplish goals and be successful!  All it takes is a little recognition and a five-minute-technique to get there.    

How to find Mental peace: 5 Minute Technique

1. Recognize Your State of Mind: stop and ask yourself if you are in a peaceful state of mind? If the answer is no, then you are ready to activate your peace.

2.  Breathe: Take 10 deep breaths, in through the nose on a four count and out through pursed lips on a four count, one breath equals one in and out cycle.  Imagine breathing in peace and exhaling all that you do not want.

3.  Visualize Peace:  close your eyes and develop an image of peace.  Hold that for one minute and then come back to the moment.  You can then use this visual anytime to activate peace.

4.  Value Peace:  see this peaceful state of mind as the point of your day and take it with you everywhere you go.  Ask it to walk in front of you and observe what happens.  Placing a value on a virtue like peace helps your mind understand its priority in thinking and will begin to release the ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) that take us away from our peace.

Practice this sequence throughout the day and notice what happens in you.  Peace can be the essence of your journey, if you let it!

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